Posts Tagged ‘The Last Psychiatrist’

Frosty the Psychopomp

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

The Last Psychiatrist tells a tale of Frosty the Snowman, Quantum Mechanics, and Death:

It was 1979 and the boy was 7 and playing a Mattel electronic soccer, and Karen was 3 and resting her head on her mother’s thigh, but the other part of it was that they were in the hospital and her mother was dying.

The accident put the mother into a coma immediately, but left her that way for another ten hours, nine of which were dreadful waiting. Waiting for something to happen, waiting for it to be too late to stay any longer, waiting for a doctor to come and tell them what the test that they had waited for was going to show.

The father was there, just coming up to sober. He had given the kids the soccer game to distract them so he could process his grief.

There was a nurse there as well, she tried to offer the girls some juice, but Karen didn’t want any juice. The boy scored a goal so no one offered him anything.

The mother let out a gasp, then there was some sort of rushing and organized chaos as the medical staff moved parts of her body around and family asked frenzied questions, within a few seconds more doctors were there, more nurses, and both kids were pushed to a corner where they both stared at futility.

Eventually it was over. It had actually been over well before that. But.

There is a moment, it comes immediately after the doctors stop working and immediately before you understand that the person is forever dead, where time pauses. Everything stops. That stillness is inviolable, it is at that moment when you witness quantum physics choosing between potentialities, you are watching it decide that this not that will be, this is what will be what has happened.

It was in that sacred moment that Karen chose to sing. “Frost-y the snowman! Was a very happy soul–”

She never actually got to “soul,” because by “Frost-” the back of her father’s hand slapped her in the face with such impulse that she fell over.

It was a reflexive slap, the song was such an affront to the family and to quantum mechanics that his hand got to her face even before his eyes did. Everyone winced. No one said anything. The staff looked away, down, up, at machines and papers. The original nurse put a smile on and lead the kids by the hand outside. Maybe there was some ice cream there, let’s leave the grown ups to talk.

“But I want to sing Frosty!” said Karen. ” Just one time?!”

And then the next thirty years happened, and you will be poorer if you don’t read about them.

“How To Take Ritalin”

Sunday, July 5th, 2009

This is the kind of extremely useful advice you rarely get because it’s illegal. Stupid drug laws. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

[T]he key to amphetamines and Ritalin is to stop thinking of them as stimulants, and to think of them as reinforcers.

Let’s conceptualize how these drugs work. Imagine getting a brain scan while you are performing a task. The parts of your brain you are using for the task will light up, brighter than those you aren’t using.

Now you drink coffee. The whole brain lights up brighter, proportionally.

Now you take amphetamines. The parts of your brain that you are using light up brighter, but the parts you aren’t using go darker. Get it? Caffeine is a global brain stimulant, while amphetamines focus your attention, reducing distraction.

This is entirely selective and controlled by you. You have to decide what you want to focus your attention on. If it’s reading, the reading parts of your brain will be brighter. But if you stop reading and decide to talk to your friend on the phone, you know, the hot one with the hotter roommate, then you’ll be more focused on that (obviously). Attention is always decreased when it is split among several tasks. In other words, you can only concentrate on one thing at a time, even though it may feel like you are doing two things at once.

While amphetamines and Ritalin do stimulate you and keep you awake, using them to pull an all nighter completely subverts their awesome power. If you want a stimulant, drink coffee or Red Bull. Amphetamines should be saved for reinforcement.

You want to set up a study situation that as closely as possible resembles your testing context. Do you take tests in the middle of the night? Using multicolored highlighters? With The Daily Show on in the background and eating Doritos? Then you’re a pig, and you deserve to fail. You’re dead to me.

You should study in the morning, at a desk, under the same “fed” conditions as on test day. (So you would have eaten before taking the test, not snacking at the test.) Quiet room, no distractions. Remember, attention is decreased with multiple stimuli in normal conditions, but on amphetamines, this will be be greatly magnified. Studying while talking to your friend means your “talking to friend” parts of the brain are brighter while your “”studying” parts of the brain are darker. Same thing with listening to music and studying.

Take the amphetamine (takes about 30 minutes to “kick in.”) Study, straight, with no distractions or interruptions, for about four hours. Quit. You’re done. Amphetamines give you about 4 hours tops of great concentration. Go to lunch, the gym, watch a movie, etc.

This is Leary’s “set and setting” understanding harnessed and put to work.

It should be noted that all this probably works without amphetamines almost as well. I’m beginning to understand that brains are all about reinforcement and habit.

Drugs are tools, just like guns, or computers, or shovels, or pencils. Drugs cause enormous damage because the drug war forces us to treat them like an enemy, and they reflect that back at us. The only people “studying” drugs are hedonists, losers, and violent criminals.

Incidentally, many of the comments are useful and informative, but then, many are not. You will have to step carefully to avoid the mines and cowpats, but they’re worth reading.