Archive for the ‘EMTs and Paramedics’ Category

73,740 Rabid Gun Nuts

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Ambulance Driver (aka Kelly Grayson) attends Occupy St. Louisthe NRA Convention.

73,740 Rabid Gun Nuts Descend Upon St. Louis…

… and nobody gets shot.

No fisticuffs ensue.

Nobody craps on a cop car.

Nobody gets arrested.

Nobody calls for overthrow of the government, other than at the ballot box.

There are no drunken brawls, no ambulances called, no… nothing.

Nothing, that is, except close to 74,000 men, women and children gathered to celebrate the amendment that guarantees their personal freedom.

And see Lawdog’s comments in the same vein post before last.

[Update: forgot the link to AD's original article.]

Cold Water and Drowning

Friday, July 9th, 2010

Two life-saving articles. I’m very tempted to just reprint both in their entirety, but no. Just, as you love life and your children, read both of these:
Drowning Doesn’t Look Like Drowning

  1. Except in rare circumstances, drowning people are physiologically unable to call out for help. Th e respiratory system was designed for breathing. Speech is the secondary or overlaid function. Breathing must be fulfilled, before speech occurs.
  2. Drowning people’s mouths alternately sink below and reappear above the surface of the water. The mouths of drowning people are not above the surface of the water long enough for them to exhale, inhale, and call out for help. When the drowning people’s mouths are above the surface, they exhale and inhale quickly as their mouths start to sink below the surface of the water.
  3. Drowning people cannot wave for help. Nature instinctively forces them to extend their arms laterally and press down on the water’s surface. Pressing down on the surface of the water, permits drowning people to leverage their bodies so they can lift their mouths out of the water to breathe.
  4. Throughout the Instinctive Drowning Response, drowning people cannot voluntarily control their arm movements. Physiologically, drowning people who are struggling on the surface of the water cannot stop drowning and perform voluntary movements such as waving for help, moving toward a rescuer, or reaching out for a piece of rescue equipment.
  5. From beginning to end of the Instinctive Drowning Response people’s bodies remain upright in the water, with no evidence of a supporting kick. Unless rescued by a trained lifeguard, these drowning people can only struggle on the surface of the water from 20 to 60 seconds before submersion occurs.

Look for these other signs of drowning when persons are n the water:
* Head low in the water, mouth at water level
* Head tilted back with mouth open
* Eyes glassy and empty, unable to focus
* Eyes closed
* Hair over forehead or eyes
* Not using legs – Vertical
* Hyperventilating or gasping
* Trying to swim in a particular direction but not making headway
* Trying to roll over on the back
* Ladder climb, rarely out of the water.

The Truth About Cold Water

  • It is impossible to die from hypothermia in cold water unless you are wearing flotation, because without flotation – you won’t live long enough to become hypothermic.
  • You Can’t Breath
  • You Can’t Swim
  • You Last Longer than You Think
  • Rescue Professionals Think You Live Longer
  • Out of the Water is Not Out of Trouble
    I lost count of the number of survivors I annoyed in the back of the helicopter because I wouldn’t let them move. I had a rule – if they came from a cold water environment – they laid down and stayed down until the doctors in the E.R. said they could stand. It didn’t matter to me how good they felt or how warm they thought they were. Because the final killer of cold water immersion is post-rescue collapse.

I excerpted more from that last not only because it’s the thing that surprised me the most, but because it contains a general survival rule:

Do What The Rescue People Tell You To Do

The drowning article also contains a story about a very annoyed couple trying to wave off a rescuer who refused to understand that they were fine and didn’t need any help — except he was coming for their daughter whom they didn’t realize was drowning.

“Trepanazine” Needs a PDR Writeup, Stat

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

So, your friendly neighborhood Ambulance Driver describes a malady for which “220 grains of Trepanazine” is the recommended treatment regimen.

You arrive on the scene for the unconscious male lying in the roadway, cruise slowly past the police cars blocking traffic, and without even getting out of your ambulance, you roll down the window and bark, “Leon! Get your ignorant ass outta the road! Someone runs over you, you might damage a perfectly good car!”

And not only does Leon obediently cease being an impediment to traffic flow, he also hobbles meekly to your ambulance and climbs aboard. You should have seen the face of the cops who called us.

Which is indeed educational, but WTF is “Trepanazine”? A Google search turns up no dosing info, no link to the manufacturer, no….Oh, wait.

“Trepanazine” as in “trepanning“, right? Drilling a hole in the skull to let out the evil spirits, or “remove the stone of madness”?
trepanning-Hieronymus_Bosch_053-w

Slight risk of lead poisoning with the dosage I believe AD refers to.

And I note that the 230 grain dose for close-range injection is far more common than 220 grains.
bullet45acp-w

Answer: “Corduroy”

Sunday, December 13th, 2009

Question: What was Helen Keller’s favorite color?

(via AD’s twitter)

What Dies

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

First, go read Ambulance Driver telling about a doctor, and a nurse, and what they taught him about being mortal, and human.

Then go read the story at New Life Changes that AD links to, about something that must be fought, tooth and nail, all our lives, and then gently, graciously, allowed to pass when the time comes.

Then come back here. I’ll wait.


Back now? Eyes dry? Sniffles over? Nose blown? Good.

Now I’m going to be cold and cruel, and ask you the hard questions:

Do you honestly believe, at all, that this kind of medicine will survive even a single generation of government run health care?

Do you understand that this level of humanity is simply out of the reach of a civil service clerk, checking off DRGs?

Do you understand that if Obama gets his way, these people — you, sooner or later — would be nothing but a burden on the system?

Do you understand that it won’t just be medicine, but our entire culture, that will get its life support pulled when it becomes too inconvenient, too expensive, too messy?

Do you understand, now, what dies?

[update: Changed link to AD's new address.]

Just Lending a Helping Hand

Saturday, September 26th, 2009

Ambulance Driver’s excellent post on the abysmal service offered by his local motorcycle shop, Cycles and More, has fallen to second place on the Google search for “cycles and more”, below the shop’s own link, which must never be clicked again, and so does not appear here. Please click on AD’s link, above, to help drive his post back to the top.

And if you are not familiar with AD, by all means, go to his blog and read. Best of the EMT blogs, IMHO.

Thank you.

“We Know You’re Gonna Lie, But At Least Make It A Good Story”

Sunday, August 9th, 2009

Via everybody’s favorite Ambulance Driver:

X-Ray of a soda bottle in the abdomen

X-Ray of a soda ketchup bottle in the abdomen


Hey, AD? Is the post below about the water slide a good enough story for ya?

Customer Reviews: SGK100 Gloves; Cycles and More

Saturday, May 16th, 2009

Lawdog provides us with a resoundingly positive review of Hatch Corporation’s SGK100 Search Gloves. The description of his test protocol is a classic of the genre:

There I am, poaching nicely in my own perspiration, when a neighbor lady wanders up and enquires if I am “scared of snakes”. Seems that she was fiddling with the garden hose; discovered Tommy No-Legs coiled up about four inches from her hand, and decided that this was an appropriate task for a handy redshirt.

*sigh*

I trundle over, peer sweatily into the coil of hose and spot what is obviously a fairly peevish young bullsnake.

Chuckling manfully, I reach down, avoid his first half-hearted swipe at my hand, pin his head to the grass with a handy twig, get a nice grip on the back of his neck and haul his scaly butt out of the hose pile.

Yes, yes, you’ll have to read the whole thing.

Consumer Reports, you are on notice. This is How It’s Done.


Ambulance Driver is less kind to Cycles and More, a local Suzuki and Kawasaki motorcycle emporium and repair shop.

…festering scab of a dealership…

[shakes head in admiration]

I think we can all agree that AD can diagnose a festering scab when he sees one.

Once again, CR, your little filled in circles are seen to fall short.

Cycles and More staff: at some point, given the attention to detail AD describes, you are are almost certainly going to find yourself sliding down the road with your bike pressing you into the pavement. Why are you pissing off the man who might well be called on to scrape your quivering flesh out of the potholes and transport it to the local body shop?

(Not that he won’t deliver a far greater quality of service than you have ever dreamed of delivering yourselves.)

Guns and Sex

Monday, January 19th, 2009

I’ve often complained about gun-grabbers thinking that gunnies are trying to compensate for inadequate penises.

Ambulance Driver
shows just how confused they are: they’re not even getting the gender right:

A Mosin Nagant 91/30, calling to me in a sweet siren song. “Take me home with you, Tovarisch,” she purred throatily. “We keel many Chermans together.”

I tried to ignore her blatant come-ons as I browsed other booths, but I found myself sneaking glances over at her table, and a couple of times she caught me looking and winked coyly, even as she was being fondled by other admirers.

The little tart.

Read the whole thing. Oh, yes. I don’t expect to read anything this funny for the rest of the week.

Oh, well, except maybe the Lightworker’s acceptance speech.

===

One last political note: AD is a practicing paramedic. He knows exactly what bullets do to human flesh.

He still thinks citizens should be well-armed, because he knows what bullets do to human flesh, not in spite of that.

“The Pistol Has Bullets In It”

Sunday, November 30th, 2008

No, not a rehash of number one on the list of gun-safety rules (“All Guns Are Always Loaded”).

“The pistol has bullets in it” refers to the firearms policemen carry, and is given as an afterthought to “Police officers lose their sense of humor when they have to wrestle with you,” which is number eleven on an outstanding list of good advice Dr. Edwin Leap culled from years of working in emergency rooms.

This is today’s life and sanity saving must-read.

I also like:

29) Every doctor believes that medicine is an art. But what they are really saying is that the art is acting. We all surround ourselves with what we think are the right props and scripts…. Medicine, dear friends, is performance art of the highest order.

31) There are stupid questions. They said in medical school that the only stupid question was the one you don’t ask. Wrong! That’s a dirty trick to make you ask stupid questions. Case in point. ‘I was in the ER on August 20 and they told me I was six weeks pregnant. How far along am I now?’ Bless her heart, that was a stupid question.