Like XKCD, it’s dangerous to quote The Onion, because, damn, that could be your whole blog right there, and everybody worth knowing already reads it anyway.
But now and then, they do something so perfect it can’t be missed.
Once burdened with physically demanding chores, exhausting farm work, and other unpleasant duties, man’s quality of life dramatically improved after his successful domestication of the common woman.
Though for years women had roamed free throughout most of Asia, Europe, and Africa, experts estimate that by around 3,000 BCE men had begun putting them to work.
“A valuable commodity with seemingly endless uses, the woman has played a crucial role throughout human history,” noted historian Alan Helbling said. “Not only could she be trained to perform a variety of tasks, but once her spirit was broken and her energies reined in, she could be taught to come whenever she was called.”
“They’re really quite magnificent creatures,” Helbling added.
While initially wild, with their own stubborn ideas and desires, Helbling said that women slowly learned to submit to instruction, and over time, showed less and less resistance when being forced to mate. In addition, raising a woman to maturity was considered low maintenance, which meant that a man could expend little effort when attending to her care and feeding.
Eventually, women were brought inside the home to provide companionship, and some even became a part of the family.
Oh, yeah, there’s more.
I can’t wait for the National Geographic Special, as narrated by Roissy from DC.
Tags: Domestic Women, The Onion