Opiate of the People, writing for The People’s Cube:
In an odd exposé that has left the worlds of politics and academia abuzz, a local homeless person revealed yesterday that he only blamed himself for his failures. The incident occurred near the dumpster behind the Shop Rite store in Brooklyn, when Willard Kookish, formerly of 435 Subprime Lane in Nutly, NJ, casually told a reporter that “my problems are my own fault.”
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Eddie Fuppish, a mismarked ballot corrector from Franken, Minnesota, sounded more conciliatory: “The poor man needs help. Anybody that takes responsibility for his own actions is certifiably insane. Just look at all the big businesses selling you stuff for money. Don’t tell me you are in control of your own spending or anything else for that matter. You’re not. That’s why I vote Democratic and make sure other people do the same, even if they didn’t mark their ballots that way. It’s the right thing to do. People need to be protected.”Experts, on whom the incompetent depend to explain the complicated world they fail to understand, are unanimous. “It’s Reagan’s fault,” says Professor Wilton Chumpley, a consulting sociologist from the University of Twerp in Belgium. “Remember how in the 1980s that actor-president mislead people into thinking they could spend their own money and run their own lives without expert help? And then you had that crackpot economist Milton Friedman falsely claiming that the government shouldn’t be responsible for directing people’s existence. It made less sense than the UFO stories, at least for smart people like myself. But, tragically, some fools took it seriously; it ruined their lives.”
Seriously, read the whole thing; just put down your delicious beverage before you do.
Tags: People's Cube